Many of my clients have experienced several significant losses, and the holidays can serve only as a cruel reminder of people deeply missed.
So, what to do in this situation? Well, as my Mom used to say, we do the best we can.
Read MoreIt saddens me how many of my clients tell me they are estranged from family or friends because of “politics”. Siblings essentially not speaking for months or years. Friendships ended. Fights on social media. How did we get here?
My parents spent the last several years of their lives at a continuing care retirement community. I was having lunch with them one day, probably in 2015, when one of their friends approached. This man had been career Army, ending his career as a General. My parents spoke of him often, touting his intelligence and wit.
This man said to me, “It is my goal to turn your parents into conservatives.” I laughed. My parents were diehard Democrats. I remember responding, “Well, I hope you are eating your kale, because you have years of work ahead of you!” We all chuckled and went about with lunch.
Conversations like that are sadly rare today. In many similar cases across the country, my parents and that General would likely not even sit at a table together, much less be friends. How can that possibly be a good thing?
A polarized or contentious political environment can heighten stress and anxiety among individuals. Constant news cycles and social media filled with conflict and division can lead to feelings of helplessness and overwhelm.
When we are fearful, our brains lose the ability to be reasonable. When we are fearful, we tend to fall into “us and them” thinking. Our fear drives our tendency to demonize people who do not think the way we do.
• Too much news is not good for our mental health. When people tell me they have a news channel, any news channel, on all day, I know we are in trouble. People get paid a lot of money to keep us watching and keep us fearful. Limit news to 30-60 minutes per day. Then turn the TV off and get more exercise, and sunshine, and connection with others.
• Remember that political affiliation does not encompass our humanity. Why, the very woman who publishes this blog is opposite of me politically. Does that make her less human, less of a Mom, less of a friend? It does not.
There is a gentleman who frequents my favorite watering hole (Hi Dink!) who loves taking little jabs at me for my political beliefs. But he would also answer the phone and rescue me if I were stuck out on the water. He helped me sort out my fire inspection at the office here when I didn’t know one thing about regulations and fire codes. Our opposite political beliefs does not make him my enemy.
• In the words of the great Ted Lasso, “Be curious, not judgmental”. Let’s stop demonizing and belittling those who think differently than us and start having conversations that start with “Help me understand your thinking. “We do not have to convince those who think differently that we are right, and they are wrong. Our beliefs are so much more complex and nuanced than “right vs left” or “right vs wrong”.
In this stormy political season, with so much hate and war going on in the world around us, remember to smile at your neighbor and say hi, no matter what political sign she has in her yard. There is no downside to kindness. And as the Dalai Lama tells us, kindness is always possible.
September is Suicide Prevention Month. You may have seen signs where you live about walks “Out of the Darkness”, suggestions to reach out to a friend, or call 988 if you are having thoughts of hurting or killing yourself.
As a psychologist, it is a question I ask early on when I meet a new client: “Have you had thoughts of hurting or killing yourself?”
The answers vary widely, from “never!” to “I wish I had the courage”. One answer that triggers resentment in me is, “that’s the coward’s way out”.
Why resentment? Why does this particular judgment hit home for me?
After all, as humans, we are all guilty of judgment to one degree or another. We judge how people look, what they do or say, and certainly we judge others when their beliefs don’t match our own. I take most of these in stride.
So why do I get so prickly when someone calls a suicidal person a coward?
I listened to a presentation on a zoom meeting for Maryland’s mental health providers earlier this year. The guest presenter was the Father of a young man who had killed himself on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge a few years ago.
As I watched his presentation, tears were streaming down my face. His son was a young man in his 20s who had struggled with depression and substance abuse for years. His parents had done everything they could to help him, but in the end, depression won.
This presentation had me thinking of my own son, 15, and I could not even imagine what this man must be feeling, having his son die that way. I watched the presentation with great admiration, that this man has dedicated his life to preventing other parents from experiencing what he had.
In the United States, one person dies by suicide every 11 minutes. 49,000 people died by suicide in our country in 2022. Are all of these people cowards? I say no. By and large, they are so deeply depressed that many of us are lucky we cannot even imagine how difficult it is for them move through the world.
Brain imaging and behavioral studies tell us that people who are suicidal tend to have less flexible and more negative thinking styles.
One of my favorite authors, Matt Haig (The Midnight Library), tells us that depression is “the inability of a mind to access the good around it”. The ability to understand that every storm runs out of rain, the innate will to live, the knowledge that things WILL get better…all of this is gone when someone is thinking about taking their own life.
People who attempt or commit suicide are not any more flawed than any of us. Just as someone who has diabetes deserves treatment to continue living, a suicidal person deserves treatment to combat the inner voice that tells them they are hopeless, worthless, and expendable.
So this month and every other, I encourage all of us to step away from judgment and toward compassion.
DO reach out to a friend if you know they have been struggling with depression.
If you know someone who is behaving erratically, have the courage to say, “Are you ok? I’m here if you want to talk.” And if you are suffering from depression and/or have had thoughts about ending your life, please don’t. Reach out to a friend, or family member, or call 988 today.
#stopsuicide #mentalhealthawareness #suicideprevention #youarenotalone
Recently, I ordered a wardrobe for my 13-year-old daughter’s room. To save a couple hundred dollars, I checked “to be assembled” at the online check out. “It will be good for us to build it together – girl power!” I foolishly remember thinking.
Fast forward several weeks – the wardrobe did get built. But poorly, and with much frustration and inappropriate cussing on both our parts. I decided one gift to myself - in this post-50 era I now find myself in – will be pre-assembled furniture.
Shortly after making this landmark decision, a client, recently turned 70, showed me her list of things to leave behind. On it were things like nagging her husband about his to do list, fixing squeaking doors, and being productive every day.
What are some things you could leave behind that would lead to a happier you? See if any on my list might resonate with you:
Maggie’s Things to Leave Behind List
• Purchasing pre-assembled furniture to save a little money
• Believing that my teenagers’ mistakes = my failure as a parent
• Assuming my partner’s wanting to spend more time with friends = he doesn’t enjoy spending time with me
• Expecting that my body at 50 should look like it did at 40.
• Feeling that setting boundaries to take care of myself means I am less of a Mom, friend, or sister.
What habits and thinking patterns would you benefit from leaving behind?
I encourage you to think about things you might be doing or thinking that make your life harder or your heart heavier. Try leaving something behind in the week to come…now if you need me, I’ll be on a walk - Not to punish myself or beat my body into submission, but because it’s fun to enjoy the sunshine on a later winter day. Be well!
In a recent New York Time article (subscribers can read it here), Melissa Kirsch talks about how “our culture, now as ever, rewards hustle”. The negative effects of this, though, should be taken seriously. The human brain is hard wired with a negativity bias – this is what helped us survive when we were cave men and women.
What it means today is that negative events stick with us, while positive ones are fleeting in our minds. When we rush, those positive events become even less beneficial.
• Reduced Stress: Rushing creates unnecessary pressure and stress. By taking your time, you can approach tasks with a calmer mindset, reducing stress levels and promoting overall well-being.
• Improved Quality: Whether it’s work, relationships, or personal projects, giving yourself adequate time allows for higher quality results. Rushing often compromises quality, while patience and attention to detail lead to better outcomes.
• Increased Creativity: Rushing stifles creativity by limiting the time available for exploration and experimentation. Taking your time fosters a creative environment where new ideas can flourish.
• Stronger Relationships: Rushing through conversations or interactions can lead to misunderstandings and strained relationships. Taking the time to listen, understand, and communicate effectively strengthens bonds with others.
• Better Health: Rushing through meals or neglecting self-care in a hurry can have negative effects on physical and mental health. Taking the time to prioritize healthy habits promotes overall well-being.
• Learning and Growth: Rushing through learning experiences can hinder understanding and retention. Taking the time to absorb information and reflect on lessons facilitates deeper learning and personal growth.
• Increased Productivity: Paradoxically, slowing down can actually make you more productive. By focusing on one task at a time and giving it the attention it deserves, you can accomplish more with greater efficiency.
• Appreciation of the Present: Rushing through life often means missing out on the beauty of the present moment. Taking your time allows you to appreciate the small joys and experiences that enrich life.
• Resilience and Adaptability: Rushing through challenges can lead to frustration and burnout. Taking your time allows for a more measured approach, fostering resilience and the ability to adapt to unexpected obstacles.
Slowing down, like anything that is good for our health, is easier said than done. I encourage you to pick one area of your life and make a small change that will allow less rushing.
This might mean getting up 10 minutes earlier so your mornings are less chaotic. Or leaving for appointments 15 minutes earlier so that traffic does not send you into a rage. Or listening to your partner, really listening, instead of hoping she will finish fast so that you can give the snappy reply you have crafted while she was talking.
Whatever small change you commit to, I hope it leads to a more peaceful, appreciative, healthier life!
In a recent Washington Post column (subscribers can read it here), Anne Lamont tells us that powerlessness is a super power of old age. But how can this be?
American culture is all about exerting our power, not giving it up. But Lamont tells us that “one superpower of being old… you know that things are probably going to work without your tense, controlling input.”
What are the benefits of powerlessness?
In therapy, clients are often pushed to discern where they have “agency” (aka control) and where they do not. Figuring out where we are powerless allows us to focus energy and efforts on things we can control. For example, I cannot control my adult children’s decisions about where they spend an upcoming holiday, but I can focus my energy on loving and supporting them, and not depending on them to have a good holiday myself. Other benefits of powerlessness include increased creativity and resilience, and decreased anxiety.
In the face of powerlessness, creativity flourishes. Stripped of conventional methods and resources, we are forced to think outside the box and explore uncharted territories. This fertile ground for innovation yields unexpected breakthroughs and transformative ideas.
By embracing the unknown, we unleash the full potential of our imagination and ingenuity. To carry forward the holiday example, when family holidays aren’t what they once were, it can lead to new ideas about how to spend them.
Contrary to popular belief, powerlessness is not synonymous with weakness. Instead, it serves as a crucible for resilience and adaptability. When faced with circumstances beyond our control, we are compelled to innovate and find alternative solutions. Each setback becomes an opportunity for growth, as we learn to navigate the unpredictable currents of life with grace and fortitude.
When we give up trying to control things we cannot, it allows us to worry less. I often encourage my clients to watch less news of any variety. We have little to no control over most of what we see on television.
By admitting to our powerlessness, we can apply cognitive, behavioral, and mindfulness strategies to chip away at the anxiety mountain most of us experience in today’s world.
When faced with powerlessness, Anne Lamont tells us, “Just do one good thing, and then another, and breathe…you’re going to be ok.”
Here’s to finding our one good thing to do today, and to being empowered by powerlessness each day.
This type of question is the one we get most often at SNBH. Dementia is an umbrella term used to describe a decline in cognitive functions including memory, reasoning, and communication. There are a variety of underlying causes for dementia syndromes, but Alzheimer’s disease is the most common. It is estimated that 60-80% of dementias are caused by Alzheimer’s disease.
The hallmark of Alzheimer's disease is abnormal protein structures in the brain, such as beta-amyloid plaques and tau tangles. These plaques and tangles are not detected by all brain imaging. If there is cause for concern, clinicians at SNBH order specialized brain imaging to ensure patients and families have the information they need to maintain quality of life and plan for the future.
Early symptoms of Alzheimer's disease typically include memory loss – you may forget important dates or where you went to dinner last night. You may be hearing “I already told you that” or “we already talked about that” from those you love. Tasks such as paying bills or cooking may become more difficult and time consuming. You might get confused driving, forgetting where you are going. Items such as keys or cell phone may get misplaced or lost. Family members and friends might notice changes in mood, withdrawal, or decreased interest and enthusiasm for enjoyed activities.
People often attribute the earliest signs of Alzheimer’s disease to normal aging. If you forget an appointment, misplace your keys, or forget a person’s name, this does not mean you have Alzheimer’s disease. However, if you or those around you are concerned about more frequent lapses in memory and/or decreased abilities, talk to your primary care provider or call our office to discuss a memory screen appointment.
While there is no cure for Alzheimer’s disease, early intervention, lifestyle changes, and memory agent medications can slow the progress of the disease and maintain brain health for as long as possible. At SNBH, we understand that this disease affects not just the person diagnosed, but everyone in his or her life. That is why we offer therapeutic services for caregivers, as well as a caregiver support group.
If you are concerned about your memory or that of someone you love, click here or call our office at 443-746-3698 to start the conversation.
Shore Neurocognitive & Behavioral Health is committed to helping families facing Alzheimer's Disease live the best life they can, for as long as possible.
Vascular dementia is a type of dementia caused by impaired blood flow to the brain, leading to damage in cognitive functions. It is the second most common cause of dementia after Alzheimer's disease.
Vascular dementia results from problems with blood vessels that supply oxygen and nutrients to the brain. The most common cause is stroke, which can damage brain tissue and lead to cognitive impairment.
Risk factors for vascular dementia are often related to conditions that affect blood vessels, including hypertension (high blood pressure), diabetes, atherosclerosis (hardening of the arteries), and heart disease.
The symptoms of vascular dementia can vary, depending on the location and extent of the brain damage. Common symptoms include memory loss, difficulty with organization and planning, confusion, speech difficulties, and problems with attention and concentration.
Vascular dementia may have a sudden or gradual onset, depending on the cause. It can progress in a step-like manner, with periods of stability followed by sudden declines, especially after additional strokes. Vascular dementia differs from Alzheimer’s disease in this way: while those with Alzheimer’s disease experience a steady and predictable progression of symptoms, those with Vascular dementia can maintain a level of functioning for months or years and then experience a sharp, sudden decline. Unfortunately, it is possible to develop both Alzheimer's disease and Vascular dementia, often referred to as a mixed dementia.
Diagnosis involves a thorough medical history, neurological exams, cognitive assessments, and imaging studies (such as MRI or CT scans) to identify evidence of vascular damage in the brain. There is no cure for vascular dementia, but treatment focuses on managing symptoms and addressing underlying conditions. Medications to control blood pressure and prevent blood clots may be prescribed.
Managing and controlling cardiovascular risk factors, such as blood pressure, diabetes, and cholesterol levels, can help reduce the risk of developing vascular dementia. Adopting a healthy lifestyle, including regular exercise and a balanced diet, as well as ensuring optimal mental health, is also beneficial.
If you or a loved one are worried about the possibility of Vascular dementia, click here or call our office at 443-746-3698 to start the conversation.
Psychotherapy provides a safe and non-judgmental space for individuals to express their thoughts and feelings. Through guided conversations, psychotherapy encourages self-reflection and helps individuals gain insights into their thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.
Psychotherapy is a key component in the treatment of various mental health disorders, including depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Sometimes, it is used in conjunction with antidepressant or other medications.
As we age, medical issues, loss, and life transitions can lead to increased anxiety and depression. Understanding your patterns, motivations, and areas of maladaptive changes can help you make positive changes and live a happier life, and many times that starts by reaching out for help.
Therapists at SNBH teach practical coping skills to help individuals manage stress, anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges. Additionally, our psychiatrically trained nurse practitioners are available should the need for medication arise.
SNBH therapists specialize in issues facing adults aged 18+, so whatever adult stage you are going through, we are here to help. If you are looking for healthier coping skills, improved relationships, and a more peaceful life, click here or call our office at 443-746-3698 to set up an appointment with one of our psychotherapists – you’ll be glad you did!
Depression is a leading cause of disability worldwide, affecting over 264 million people worldwide as of 2020, according to the World Health Organization. Having money, living somewhere safe, having a good job…none of these things provide immunity from depression. Anxiety disorders are also highly prevalent, and even more so since the Covid 19 global pandemic.
Sometimes, we can do all the right things and still not experience mood improvement. Exercise such as walking, getting good sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in enjoyable activities that allow us to connect with others are all important in fending off depressive and anxious symptoms. When depression and/or anxiety become too severe, we struggle to do even the basic daily activities to take care of ourselves. At its most dangerous, depression makes people feel worthless and hopeless, and these emotions can lead to suicidal ideation or actions.
At the heart of antidepressant therapy lies the concept of addressing chemical imbalances within the brain. Neurotransmitters such as serotonin, norepinephrine, and dopamine play crucial roles in regulating mood, emotions, and stress responses. When these neurotransmitter levels are disrupted, it can lead to the development of mood disorders. Antidepressants work by modulating the levels of these neurotransmitters, aiming to restore balance and alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety. This allows us to engage in activities that lessen the intensity and frequency of low mood and anxiety – activities that give us meaning, purpose, movement, and connection.
We were pleased to welcome Amanda Andrew, PMHNP-BC, AGNP-C to the SNBH team of clinicians last year. Trained in geriatrics and a Board Certified Mental Health Nurse Practitioner, Amanda helps clients decide if antidepressants or other psychiatric medications are right for them. Working closely with SNBH therapists, Amanda tailors her psychiatric approach to each individual, with respect to type of illness and illness severity, and comfort level with taking psychiatric medications.
People are sometimes uncomfortable with the idea of taking a medication to help their mood. Amanda, joining SNBH veteran and family nurse practitioner Yvonne Liswell, hopes to turn the tide on that stigma. “If people have diabetes or a heart condition and have been unable to improve their condition with diet and exercise, the next step is medication…sometimes depressive and anxious conditions warrant medications to help the brain and body regain equilibrium so that our clients can participate in their lives again.”
If you would like to talk about recent mood symptoms with one of our providers or to learn more about SNBH, click here.
